Before We Go On

Hi, it’s me, I’m still here. I’ve been journaling in paper journals since summertime. I was working through a lot of life changes and honestly did not have the wherewithal to type it all out in this blog, nor was I ready for everyone to read all about this part of my journey.

I found my journals and read through them. I’m not quite sure what to write about yet because the past six months have been such an amazing, refining, difficult, and fulfilling journey for me. A journey of surrender, pain, discovery, and restoration. My journals contain a lot of Scripture, a few letters that I wrote to myself from God reminding me who I am (His daughter), and so many words that are really hard to read about how I was feeling and what I was thinking at the time. Many pages are crossed out with the word “LIES” written across them. I realized that I was writing down lies about myself because as I went through this trial I learned more and more about what God says about me. I learned the truth.

I want to tell you all about the journey I’ve been through in the past six months. I want to share about hardships overcome and friendships made; about sickness and brokenness, and faithfulness, God’s and mine.

This coming Sunday, November 5th, I will be six months free from my drug addiction. That is a huge milestone and I’m very proud about that. On that day at church I’ll be getting re-baptized. I was baptized when I first came to Christ five years ago because I thought that’s what I was supposed to do – and that’s not wrong, that’s okay. But now I want to do it because I’m more aware of who I am in Christ. I agree with my friend that baptism should be about you and Jesus and not a work that’s done to prove something.

For right now I want to share this that I wrote at the beginning of August:

When you decide to acknowledge a hard thing that, until today, you didn’t realize had been stuffed so deep down inside for so long, but it comes bubbling to the surface and makes your eyes all watery; when you decide to do this hard thing, go ahead and crank up the worship music and dance before you do it. Praise and dance and sing; pray thanksgiving to God for going in before you, coming along side you, and going in with you. Because this is no cakewalk. You are going to be hugging the fireball, which is exactly what you need to do for God to refine you; burning out the old and making space for the new.

Photo taken by Holly Waugh.

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14 thoughts on “Before We Go On

  1. I checked your blog by chance when I saw it in my bookmark list. So glad I did. Thank you for sharing on update on your journey. It encourages me to read what you wrote about how God is changing your life. I am a mom who is praying for a loved one struggling with addiction right now. May God bless you as you continue to do your work. I knew of you from your comments on the If:Equip study.

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  2. Bree, I have no idea if my other comments posted. If so, do me a solid and delete the ones you like the least? 😉 My favorite line is about hugging onto the fireball-and you ARE a fireball. I am so proud of you and your accomplishments-you are amazing. ❤

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    1. Hi Cindy! Thank you. Yes, I have been absent from IF:Equip for a while. I will be taking part in an IF:Gathering Local in February. I’ve been really involved with my church and just walking out this new life. Thank you for your prayers and God bless.

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  3. I love this Bree, and I love your desire to please God. You did a fantastic job of bridging the gap between the last blog post and this one. You have changed so very much in the past six months and it has been such a joy to watch. I love how you explain that the last six months haven’t been all sunshine and roses, but even the roses need water to grow. Love you friend.

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  4. Bree, seemed by your blog today really blessed my heart. As one of your pastors and your counselor, I have had the opportunity of watching you grow in your Christian walk, your personal life and in your relationships with new found friends. You are an awesome inspiration to those who know your story and see where you are now in life. You are very good at hearing and then doing. You are a doer and with that being said it is totally awesome to see you forming this perfectly rounded walk with God. Has it always been an easy walk? No, yet it hasn’t stopped you. This writing today is the perfect example of a doer. Someone who hears then decides to take the best out of what is heard and put it into action. Keep growing, praying, seeking and writing. God has set your path and you are certainly walking it out. What a true inspiration!
    PK Hightower

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    1. Thank you so much Pastor! It means a lot to hear that from you. I was so scared to write again, but fear is not from God, and I know my story needs to be told. Your encouragement, and the encouragement of my friends, really helped me to just “step 5 foot out on a 4 foot limb and trust God”. 🙂

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  5. Oh dear Bree, your words mean so very much to me. A member of my family has gone through drug addiction and is now clean and pursuing a meaningful life. The difference in this person is amazing. I have not posed questions about belief in God, but something has changed. I only hope it is that, because I know God never falters in HIS belief in us. As you say, he is beside us and with us always, we just have to be ready to accept his presence in our lives. I am so happy for you and proud of you, that you chose this path because of YOUR feelings, not because you felt you should do it for someone else. God bless, know that you are loved, by our Lord and so many others.

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